Have you ever been in church listening to a sermon and felt like the preacher was looking at and speaking directly to you?
Lines from so many songs fit that bill for me, like Gerry and the Pacemakers “Don’t Let the Sun Catch You Crying” It may be hard to discover That you've been left for another But don't forget that love's a game And it can always come again
Then there’s K.T. Oslin’s song “Didn’t Expect It to Go Down This Way” I'm overworked and I'm overweight
I can't remember when I last had a date
Oh, I didn't expect it to go down this way
I used to love and I used to be loved
But the one that really hits home for me it “Second to No One” by Roseanne Cash.
I don't want to be the sole survivor I don't want to close it down I don't want to know what goes on between you Whenever I ain't around All of my life I’ve been the second choice, the Friday night girl, the other woman, the one to whom committed men gravitated. Even when I was in high school, boys with girlfriends would call. In college, committed classmates would steal a kiss at parties when their girl was in another room. I constantly question what it is about me – what do I say, what vibes do I emit - that makes them think that’s okay, that I’m good enough for a late night phone call, for an affair but not good enough to take home to mom? I am their polar opposite: I am loyal, faithful, a one-man-woman kind of girl. Opposites attract? I don't think you know how bad you treat me But I can't live like a whore She thinks she's got the key to your heart Now I've got to wait by the door
I should be ashamed to admit I was involved with a married man for nine years…but I’m not. To be fair, he was separated, but still legally married and that was okay with me because I didn’t ever want to get married again. He was the father my kids never had, would spend all day teaching them to fish or driving all over the DFW Metroplex in search of a new comic book. I knew in my heart of hearts that he was my soulmate – I recognized his voice the first time I heard it and knew his face as he walked across a parking lot even though we had never met. I truly believed we would grow old together.
I don't want to know how long you're leaving And I don't want to know why If I can't lie in your arms this evening I'll just stay home and cry
Things didn’t work out that way. He accepted a job in Atlanta, asked that the kids and I move with him, and I said no. His job required extensive travel and I didn’t want to be home alone. He tried to undo it but his position had already been filled. He stalled as long as he could to officially move, but it came down to make the move or move along.
He moved. I don't want to be the last to hear it And I don't want to live apart But I don't want to wear your diamond ring If you won't give me your heart
It’s been 20 years now – I still miss him, think of every day. He comes to me sometimes in my dreams, never to stay. He called a few years ago, crying, telling me he’d made a mess of his life and asking if I would I want to try again. I told him I would, but he’d have to face my kids and smooth it over with them. I haven’t heard from him since. I threw the ring he gave me into the Gulf – sometimes I regret that. I haven’t been able to throw his pictures away.
I don't want to be second to no one I don't want to let it be I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow But tonight you belong here with me
He did eventually legally divorce, married a woman named Sue and lives his life, happily, I hope, somewhere in Alabama. At least I hope he’s happy – isn’t that what you wish for someone you love? Today is his birthday.
If I could only learn to make you love me I'll make you love me like I love you If I could give you what I want to give you I'd want to give you a heart that's true Lesson learned.
I don’t want to be second to no one.