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"Have you ever plotted revenge on someone? Was it sweet and what did it entail?"

I have a very good memory, something that is both a blessing and a curse. Have I ever plotted revenge? I have spent the past few days trying to remember a time that I had plotted revenge.

In short, the answer is no.

I have always believed that wishing bad on someone would come back to me three-fold and I’ve never been willing to take that chance, no matter how much I’ve been hurt or felt betrayed. Karma is real. I must admit there have been times I’ve wished I was the one driving the karma bus!

My sister told me I’m the worst about holding grudges, something defined by Webster as “a persistent feeling of ill will or resentment resulting from a past insult or injury.” It’s not that there’s ill will or resentment – I just can’t forget and there’s a huge difference!

Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting. It means that I can let go without resentment and move on.

Being aware of the betrayal or injustice is a defense mechanism. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” It’s human nature to recoil after being injured, physically or emotionally and this is no different. Trust has been broken.

Not only do I not seek revenge, I’m uncomfortable with schadenfreude. I don’t get satisfaction from someone else’s misfortune. I just don’t care.

That’s not to say that feelings of resentment go away overnight – they don’t. Hurt takes time to heal. Maybe that’s why they say “revenge is a dish best served cold” since it would give someone time to think, to reflect, to heal before inflicting pain (no matter how deserved it is perceived). Oftentimes, it’s not even resentment – it’s jealousy – and that’s something entirely within my control. I can make changes to my actions, my attitude and my response.

Like my mom said, “success is the best revenge.”

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